After my session was complete, I was exhausted. My body had moved in a way that I wasn't ready for, so my muscles ached and my bones didn't want to move anymore. However I was so excited that I went through with it all that my heart wouldn't stop beating. I couldn't wait to see them and it had only been an hour!!
Being a photographer I understood that it takes time to get the photos back, but I just didn't want to wait. It was two days after the session that I got a sneak peek into my session and I was so excited. That's when the relief fell off of me, I wasn't worried anymore, I knew they would turn out beautifully. So I forgot about them. They honestly didn't ever cross my mind unless hubby asked me about them or when Suzie finally sent me the proof link.
I made the huge mistake and started looking at my images by myself. I got to image 13 and started realizing that I wasn't happy with them. I was nit picking everything. Complaining about my small boobs, the extra hump around my hips, even the wideness of my body. I critiqued everything about myself. I didn't look at the big picture. That's when I closed the site. I decided that I had to love myself before I could look at my pictures. That took some time, but I came back to the screen with the thought that my husband and children love me just the way I am now. I need to embrace that idea and love my body that is presented before me.
So I re-evaluated my images. I looked at them like I look at my clients, I began to see the beauty in all my flaws...the stretch marks, those are there from every kick I received while they were in the womb. They remind me of all the cuddles I got, all the baby laughs and the beautiful memories of their infancy. My boobs may be loose, saggy and small, but that's because I fed my babies all the nutrients my body could make, in order to give them the best. And my body may be "thick" but that comes from enjoying a dinner and drink with my husband with laughter and memories instead of counting calories and worrying about whether I could fit into my size 6 jeans from high school.
After I saw myself in that beautiful light, my love for the pictures blossomed. They were just who I am. That's when it it me. What will Tyler think of these? I wanted so badly to show him, but I wanted to keep the surprise. I was so happy that I did keep it. When he saw them I got a string of "wow", "damn your hot", and "I'm a lucky lucky man". I couldn't have asked for a more amazing boost of self confidence. Not only did I think I was a great woman, but so did my husband!
Now that I've tackled my first one, I will be doing more and more of these. They are so invigorating, memorable and extremely needed for EVERY woman. So with this, I welcome you all; the survivors, the elderly, the young, the divorced, the married, the disabled, the beautiful women of this world, to embrace yourself and step into my studio.
 |
| Image provided by Sassy Suzie Glamour and Boudoir |
